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Self-care has become a popular topic with countless recommendations flooding our feeds. While its importance is undeniable, the discussion often overlooks a crucial point: there's no universal "best" self-care routine. Society constantly bombards us with messages about what we should or need to do to lead a healthy lifestyle, but what works for one person might not work for you. You're the only person who can define what a "healthy" or "good" life looks like for you. Keeping an open mind to different self-care practices is key, without deciding beforehand which activities "should" or "shouldn't" work. In this post, I'll share my perspective on self-care and offer tips for discovering a routine that truly fits you.
What Is the Point of Self-Care?
In my opinion, self-care is crucial to our wellbeing because, simply put, life can knock us down or wear us out sometimes. At the end of the day, you’re the only person who knows how to get yourself back up. Self-care is about actively allowing yourself grace, compassion, and a space to do what’s good for you. It gives you sustainability and resilience to navigate a myriad of challenges, while also allowing you to be fully present in each moment and taking in all the gifts that life has to offer. Life is a journey and each of us ultimately have the power to make it meaningful; self-care is a tool that allows us to move in that direction.
Know Yourself
First, it's crucial to develop your own self-care routine by getting to know yourself openly, honestly, and with compassion. When you engage in different activities, ask yourself what comes up for you. One helpful way to get in touch with yourself is to notice what happens in your body:
- Do I feel any release of energy?
- Do I feel rested?
- Or do I feel tension or anxiety?
If you notice these sensations, where in your body do you feel them? Asking yourself these questions without judgment or censorship helps you figure out what each activity really does for you, rather than sticking with what you're told should work.
Keep a Journal
Another helpful way to communicate with yourself is to keep a journal about your day and self-care practices. After you engage in a self-care activity, try jotting down anything that comes up for you. Again, do this without judgment, agenda, or criticism because anything you end up writing down has value in assessing how each self-care activity really makes you feel.
Embrace Trial and Error
It's natural to want to quickly find "the best" or "foolproof" self-care routine that works for you. With that said, I invite you to hold space for yourself to try different things out. Some ideas will work, and others won't, and that's okay.
Doing vs. Being
I've been talking about what you can "do" to find self-care that's helpful for you, so this last point may sound a bit paradoxical. However, when we do things, we come from a place of control, whether it be controlling ourselves or the environment. This pattern of trying, doing, and controlling can get us "stuck" in a cycle of feeling like nothing works, so we try even harder.
When thinking of self-care, I invite you to loosen your grip on control. It may be scary at first to let go, and one suggestion is to think of self-care as a state of "being" rather than something "to do".
My Personal Journey
Because self-care is about getting to know ourselves, finding a routine that works for us is a process, not an endpoint. With that said, I'd like to share my own findings so far in this journey.
It took me a while to notice that some "mainstream" self-care routines don't work for me. For example, I can't stand going to the gym because it never actually made me feel better, nor do I like meditation because I get bored after 10 seconds. It took me a while to realize they don't work because I had a strong idea that they "should" work because everyone else says they do.
On the other hand, I found out that playing video games makes me feel refreshed, even though some people call it unhealthy. Coming to terms with my own self-care has been a process of cultivating compassion and honesty with myself and learning to listen to what I truly need.
Remember, your journey to finding the right self-care routine is unique to you. Be patient with yourself, stay open-minded, and most importantly, listen to your body and mind. I hope this post helps you in your journey of exploring what self-care means for you.
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